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Sire, I had a good laugh today about us…… Remember the first time we stayed out late? Lol I do We had a long drink, and a discussion about how we could fuck in the coatroom without getting arrested…. I chuckle every time I see one. I have been known to peer inside and checkout the possibilities…. *grins wickedly. No one understands my fascination with them…. *leering Then we went to my car, where we played a bit, and I confessed that I wanted to suck Your cock dry. I had never had a man cum in my mouth before and I wanted You. Remember…. I do…. *laughing with much fondness. Here we were… two highly educated, successful adults, making out in the back of the car…. Windows steamed from our passion…. Hoping we didn’t get caught and arrested for lewd and lascivious conduct or indecent exposure because it would have made the newspaper…. Lol Because inside that car, were two people, totally into each other, sexually exploring the chemical addiction between them that hasn’t waned even to this day. With You, I will go anywhere and try anything. That’s for another blog…. Lol Back to the car, You were on the seat. I am not sure how I fit my big butt on the floor, but I loved the fit of Your cock in my mouth. I felt the head bang against my throat as I sucked You. I found out how much You liked Your balls licked. I have enjoyed that ever since, as Your moans assure me You do too. I love to please You. To this day, I love to hear You moan as my mouth teases Your big cock, taking it as deep as I can in my throat. I know You like the feel of my warmth as I tighten my lips and wrap my tongue all around it as my head bobs up and down. I love it when You play with my hair, spreading it out on Your thighs, then as You get close to an orgasm, wrapping Your hands in it and setting the rhythm You want my mouth to take…. I love the taste of You as You shoot Your pleasure deep into my throat. I could have it for dessert every day…. I am Your greedy slut too because I lick Your cock and balls so I don’t miss a drop. The look on Your face when I look up at You and smile as I lick my lips is priceless…. Sucking You off gives a new meaning the phrase “lip service”…..
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Discussed insecurity with my therapist last night. He told me that i need to stop worrying about Master leaving me, to just put that one thing to rest, leave that one anxiety behind me. i asked - wouldn't that mean that i was taking the relationship for granted, and he said n, that it would give me even more energy to focus on the relationship and that the energy would come from desire and happiness rather than fear, which is healthier for me and a better motivator besides.
He told me that all master has ever done is step up every time i need him, no matter what the choice and that it is clear that Master would always choose me over everything else and to accept that - much as i always choose him over everything else. We aren't going to leave each other and being secure on that one thing will give me something to build on in the way of my body image and self-esteem.
This makes me happy. i've been moving in that direction anyway until i got knocked off my wagon.
Something to build on...
Not everything is fleeting...
That challenges what i know or rather what past experience has taught me.
It's hard to make lasting relationships when things are constantly yanked from under you as a kid, when your only relationships are codependent and dysfunctional.
Something to build on.
Things don't have to be fleeting...
Foundations might be stable.
It's a heady thought.
Even more heady is that thought that i'm worth that kind of dedication, that's one i've almost managed to grasp.
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| By: |
Jons_morsel |
| Mood: | Contemplative |
| Date: | Jul 24 2008, 6:25 pm |
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i use a great deal of storytelling in my work... it is my belief that it is through story and narrative that we each make meaning and sense of the world...and that it is through these self-same narratives that we map our lives. Friedrich Nietzche once said that “if we possess our why of life we can put up with almost any how” It is through the telling of narrative or story, that we, as human beings, create meaning from our lives. There was a time when almost everything was understood through the telling of stories, through narrative, oral or otherwise. No-one bothered to ask if these were factual truth or only metaphorical. It didn’t matter, for they were the truth of the soul.
i use stories for a lot of reasons...i use them to illustrate a point...i use them to focus attention and interest...i use personal stories to assist people to map and chart their own progress and to find solutions.
there are stories i find along the way however, that resonate with me, more deeply than others. stories that i find and re-find, discover over again, as i find myself coming back to them time and time again. Stories that i learn from each and every time that i tell them, no matter how often.
the story i am reprinting here, like many, is an old folktale, likely from an oral tradition. i have told it in many settings, with many groups of people. Most recently, someone mentioned to me that they were "counting their blessings" and i was brought back to this story again. i am as guilty as anyone else of having a bad case of the "if only's" the "i wishes" and the "what if's". it seems that sometimes there is a tendency to look at others and to think, if only...without maybe ever seeing the whole picture. how much more valuable then is it, to look at ourselves?
what i have realized recently, is that while, yes, i do have a rather large "bundle" of troubles that i sometimes shoulder, i am especially well suited to carrying them. that other "bundle", all of the good things, the " threads of gold" through the darkness, the strengths acquired, have formed myself and the bundle together and created a fit. it is easy sometimes to see one side without seeing the other. to feel the weight and the tiredness without seeing what balances it....
and....on my journey....there are additions to this story...the picking up of other bundles, reminds me of the phrase "borrowing trouble", and yet, i suddenly have a clearer picture. there is a joining with others, a connection that happens. My Husband/Master, when he was alive, would often offer to "shoulder my burden" and while there were, of course, some shared, it never entirely made perfect sense to me. But, in reading the story today, in preparation for telling, what i realize, is that, the friends, those close in my life, and most certainly the One who is Dominant in my life, do not remove the troubles, but rather provide the counterbalance. For me, that connection, is so vital. It is that these connections, these strengths, these acts of love and caring, the structure, and the support, all contribute to the final product. There also comes a recognition, that there are things within the bundle of troubles, that i can let go of, it is a submission of sorts, a letting go of control, a release....it is perhaps odd, that even our troubles can become a sort of comfort to us that we struggle to let go of, simply for their familiar weight.
and more than anything for me...at times.....
this story...
ends...
not so strongly with a moral...
but with the sun shining through the window
the promise of new dawn
despite events of the night....
The Story:
from: http://www.healingstory.org/treasure/bundles/bundles_of_troubles.html A German Folktale adapted by Allison Cox from the story - "Bundles of Troubles, Bundles of Blessings" in the book - A Piece Of The Wind, by Ruthilde Kronberg and Patricia McKissack, Harper, San Francisco, 1990. Bundles There once was a woman who had so many problems, so many worries, so many troubles... that at times she felt she had more troubles than anyone else in the world! Well... there was one friend she knew who had quite a large share of troubles herself. But this friend seemed to be able to move through her troubles and come out the other side with her head still held high. The more the woman thought about her friend, the more she began to think "I could ask her to tell me how she deals with her problems and then I would know how to deal with mine." The woman became convinced that this was the answer - so one day she knocked on her friend's door. The friend invited her in, they sat down and chatted together while they shared tea. By and by the visitor told the friend why she had come to visit. "Oh, but I can't tell you how to deal with your own problems" the friend told her, "only you know what are the right choices for yourself." The visitor's face looked so crestfallen that the friend added "But I could tell you some advice that someone once gave me that helped..." "Oh would you? Could you?" the visitor encouraged her. "Alright" the friend answered. "Why don't you let that part of yourself (gesture to self) that is connected to all that is (gesture to above and beyond) take over caring for your troubles." "Well... alright." It wasn't the kind of advice that she had expected. The visitor stayed a bit longer, chatting and catching up, then she said goodbye to her friend and began walking home. On the way home she thought "I really have tried everything else I can think of - what do I have to lose?" So that night, when everyone else was asleep, she shut her door, got into bed, sat there and said "That part of me (gesture to self) that is connected to all that is (gesture to above and beyond)... please - help me with my troubles. I don't know what else to do..." Then she figured she must be done, so she turned out her light, pulled up the covers and fell asleep... and that night she dreamed a dream... She found herself in a vast candlelit cavern, surrounded by gray bundles of all shapes and sizes, as far as she could see. Walking toward her was a woman with flowing long white hair and dressed in a long dark cape. "Who are you?" asked the dreamer "and what is this place?" "This is the cave of the bundles of troubles and I am the Keeper of the cave." "Bundles of troubles?" "Yes," the Keeper explained, "each person who walks the earth carries a bundle of trouble on their left shoulder." The dreamer turned to look and there was a gray bundle on her left shoulder - it had been there all this time and she never noticed! "If you wish," the keeper continued, "you can take your bundle down and exchange it for another." "Really? I can?" The woman lowered the bundle from her left shoulder. Oh it felt so good to put it down. Then she began picking up different bundles, feeling their weight, trying them on for size... She did this for hours until finally she said "Can I take this one? This one feels just right." "Certainly you may" the Keeper told her, "but first, why don't you open it up and look inside." So the woman put the bag down and pulled on the gray drawstrings and looked inside... "But these are the same troubles I brought in here!" The Keeper of the cave smiled softly and nodded. "That's usually what happens, but do not despair, for there is another bundle on your right shoulder that should help lighten your load." The woman turned and saw another bundle on her right shoulder. It had been there all this time and she never noticed! Only this bundle was woven of silver and gold threads and it sparkled like a diamond in the sunlight. The Keeper spoke - "Why don't you take down that bundle, and look inside." So the woman did. The bundle was light as down. She pulled the silver and gold strings and looked inside. And there were... all of her experiences and all that she had learned. There were her talents, her gifts, her hopes and opportunities yet to come. The woman felt her heart fill with joy and she looked up to thank the Keeper of the cave. But the Keeper of the cave was gone. All the gray bundles were gone. The cave was gone. And she found herself sitting up in her own bed with the morning sun streaming through the window, shining in her face.
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| By: |
feira |
| Mood: | Thankful |
| Date: | Jul 24 2008, 5:41 pm |
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There will always be people that come in and out of your life, and we think to ourselves... this is the one. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've been with enough people in my lifetime to know for sure that the path, experiences and travel that led me to this area, was to find Master.
It was here, away from family and friends, away from distraction and judgement, that I was able to delve into my own soul, and seek what it was I was missing in life. I grew as a submissive woman, realizing submitting to Another took courage, strength and conviction, far beyond anything a weak, needy, insecure woman could handle. I do believe this is why so many sub/slaves bounce around, noncommitted, always being the brat, because they are not secure in themselves, therefore not secure in the choices they make for themselves, including Who they give themselves to in submission. That insecurity will only be cause for failure, not only in the relationship, but in realizing what they truly need and want out of life.
I personally have come full circle. I've seen what is out there, knowing what I know now, I would have held onto Master the first time around. I would have never looked elsewhere. But life is funny that way, and my own insecurities kept me from seeing what I deserved and had to have in my life.
We all make mistakes, and have poor judgement throughout life. Master Himself has "kicked himself" for seeking elsewhere as well, but just as He understood my need to keep moving forward, I in turn understand why He did what He did. Most couples would not have been able to have the discussions W/we've had over the years without yelling, arguing, fighting, and silence. I had my moment of weakness once, but it was something that I passionately believed had to be done for all parties involved.
Master asked me today if I see myself still married in 5 years. He has never been that forward with me, and I have to admit, it caught me off guard. I know W/we both struggle sometimes seeing O/our current marriages to other people have their breakdowns, and not being able to step in and "save the day", but through it all, I do believe it has kept U/us on a path of communication, determination, love and commitment to O/one another.
Only time will tell what paths O/our lives will take, but I do know this in my heart and mind...Master J IS my Soulmate. I was put on this earth to experience life, and at the end of the day, kneel at His feet, sit on His lap, or be curled up at His side, to serve and love Him. He is ALL things to and for me, and I happily and with every fiber of my being, love, honor and cherish being His slave, and for this, I feel like the luckiest woman on earth.
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| By: |
Stocsnbnds |
| Mood: | Happy |
| Date: | Jul 24 2008, 5:22 pm |
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My relationship is going great with my girl. She fulfills every part of my life. I was concerned in the beginning that this may not work. See, I tend to be a harder player than many. Don’t get me wrong, I can ease up and have a lighter or even sensual scene. However, I really enjoy playing with the brain. I find that harder play creates a struggle within one’s self. It tends to cause more effects and reactions than just the physical sensation of the activity. After all, the brain is the center of everything. Pain, intensity, discomfort, and obvious submission are all ways that to do this. Hard and intense play can be particularly difficult for a girl with almost no experience. When our journey started, she had very little experience in the lifestyle. She was pretty sure what she wanted out of a Master. I knew what I was getting into though. I was well aware that it was going to take time to get her where I wanted her to be. However, there are advantages to a submissive that has never been collared before. I had no bad habits to break and I did not have to be compared to the previous Master. I could mould and shape her into what I wanted from the start. She has been quite a challenge for me. Not because we have had problems. Challenging because I had to start from scratch and not move to fast. There were times that it seemed like we were barely moving and that tends to make me a bit jittery. She started very open minded and has stayed that way. It has been awesome watching her grow. When we began, there were several things that she had as soft limits. Some of these things were activities that I wanted from her. Slowly, most of them have been accomplished and moved out of that soft limit category. Quite a few of them have moved into the “WOW, I love that” category. I think fear and trust were one of her issues in the beginning. I can understand and respect that totally. Over the months that respect and trust has grown. I encourage her and take full responsibility for her training and teaching. There are a few hurdles still to tackle. I feel she is ready for them and is wanted to keep growing. I think she is growing into my perfect submissive and partner for life. I am just so fortunate to have her. I could not be happier. She is mine!
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no, not THAT kind of figging, you pervs! I'm making FIG PRESERVES! Yes! I am a woman of many talents.
Although I do enjoy that other type of figging, too.
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| By: |
Duchess |
| Mood: | Other |
| Date: | Jul 24 2008, 5:02 pm |
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I was waiting for Master at the front of a shop the other night. I waited by the door while he walked down the long hallway towards me. His body and his gait obviously one of an aged warrior, even if I had never seen him before. Wow he turns me ON
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| By: |
Switch |
| Mood: | Other |
| Date: | Jul 24 2008, 4:54 pm |
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I like to look at men, but generally speaking looks don't make my mouth hang open and my belly warm.
But I'm a sucker for wingspan.
There he was all six foot four of him in a muscle shirt and tight jeans running caulking along the top of the wall where it meets the ceiling, arms spread wide and chatting happily. I'm not listening. I'm just watching those arms.
"Um, I think I need to do something somewhere else now. Laundry, that was it, I need to go fold the laundry. "
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<< Loved-up Warning >> All T/those not wishing to read a bit of slush .. please turn to the next blog .. Thank Y/you .. hehehehe Y/you all have been warned .. hehehehe Another day .. so this slave thought .. another day .. but today she was not working .. so time to have a lay in ..so she thought anyways .. but for the past few weeks or so she has been waking up so damn early .. turning over and reaching for her phone to see if there are any messages on Yahoo from her Master .. God damn she loves technology .. mmmmmmmm .. indeed it has been her salvation .. and her extreme pleasure .. indeedy .. she so loves being a geek too .. hehhehehe
So this moring was no different .. 5.30 am comes around .. and slave is WIDE AWAKE .. she turns over and logs into Yahoo .. and low an behold her Master is there .. still awake from the night before .. which .. btw .. was a mindblowing experience to say the least .. this slave asked her Master is she could cum and He said yes she may .. and this time He wished to watch her face .. as she came ..
Now slave is a slow burner .. she does not cum very often .. but Oh My .. when she comes .. it is usually a good one .. and she had not had one for a good few days .. since the last time her Master had given her permission actually .. which was a good 4/5 days ago .. so she was definately in need .. so to speak .. anyway .. this slave finds it very difficult to cum whilst being watched or listened to .. it just well .. it takes a lot to get her going .. and she is so worried that the viewer or listener is getting bored with her as she takes so long .. so then she gets all embarrassed that she is taking so long .. and well then it all goes to pot normally .. but she knew that she had done it a few times with her Master already .. but it still makes her nervous .. knowing that she has got her Master watching her .. and then also knowing she has done it before .. so therefore she sould be able to do it again .. so anyway .. she tried to block all of these worries and doutbts and concentrate on pleasing her Master .. she came .. hard .. and it lasted for a few seconds too .. she arched her back and screwed her face up ..and clenched her fists .. her muscles twitched all over and she could not speak or open her eyes for a good minute or so .. she was curled up in on her bed .. trying to get her breath back .. it was indeed a good one .. hehehe
So today .. slave did not realise it would be an all day naked turn-on session .. for indeed that is what it ended up being .. as she was not at work .. she spent all day with Him .. naked in bed and in a little room that Master had made for them in the chat room .. it was glorious .. just chillin .. chattin .. both with audio on .. and cams .. it was the closest slave has ever felt to her Master .. it was indeed .. one of the most special days she could remember .. a truly fulfilling and passionate day on both sides .. of the cam .. hehehe
This slave Thanks You Master .. for Your time, energy ..and patience with her .. she is forever grateful to You ..
Your slave .. baby girl .. wench ..
Zats_wench_raven ..
xoxoxox
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tonight i start my Thursday task. every week i will have a self play assinment on Thursday night while He is at work. these assignments will be recorded for Him on our cam.
for the last few months J has been sleeping at work four days a week. this was putting a slight damper on our interactions and moods so He decided to elect some L/D and training protocols to keep things from sliding into the abyss of vanilla lacidasics. tonights assignment is for me to dress up and feel pretty and then simply spend some quality time stimulating myself and making myself cum as hard as i want, however i want, as many times as i want. after i am supposed to blog about it.
i am nervous and uncomfortable about this. it is one thing to masturbate for Him or for the camera with Him there, but to be completely alone and in front of the camera is scary. i will be doing as i am told though.
crimson
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